parachuteending (parachuteending) wrote,

The 5 books to film adaptations I wish would never happen

With the huge successes of the entire Twilight saga and then Hunger Games and recently Divergent, Hollywood seems to have find a new cash cow to exploit till everyone is fed up of it and just want to kill whoever came with an adaptation idea (or whoever wrote the first material). Here my list of the 5 books to film adaptations which will *sigh* unfortunately happen but I wish would just disappear in some godforsaken hole in the middle of my toilet.

1. Fifty Shades Of Grey

I begin this entry with the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey which is the materialization into a book of the concept of utter embarrassment from right to left. I admit it, I've read this book and it was actually a fun read. It would've funnier (and less sad) if it was actually intentional. From the iconic tampon scene I'll not quote here (if you haven't read the books and are really curios: Google is your friend) from the actual total lack of a plot to begin with, I can't understand why anyone thought it was actually a good idea to adapt this... thing. No, I'm going to speak of this BDSM mom's porn as a book. Let's not even talk about the synopsis but just about where Fifty Shades was posted first: on or whatever fanfic site it was. And guess what? It was actually a Twilight fanfiction. Yeap, the world is so damn small. Twilight wasn't some gem to begin with but FSOG is just blah, meh. I don't even need to write reasons, even you think it's a bad idea. Well, except if you're a diehard fan I guess.

Anyway, check its embarrassing trailer:

2. Fallen

Fallen is the kind of the book you know it's idiotic just by reading the PR written synopsis. Why? Because it actually reveals some key points of the story (like the fact the ~dark and mysterious hero Daniel Grigori is a fallen angel -heck even the title of the book is a spoiler *facepalm*- and the heroine is actually his soulmate who happen to die every damn century). It was released in 2012 when fallen angels were the trend in YA paranormal romance (fuck yeah the originality!). I don't have much regrets in my life, especially when it comes to books. I believe even if I didn't like a book, at least it helped me to somehow mature and grow. Somehow. But I didn't learn anything from this book except that every heroine I thought was the dumbest heroine ever wasn't in fact the dumbest. It was such a bad and frustrating read. The heroine Luce gets bullied day in and day out and does fucking nothing. She's some special snowflake Mary-Sue who is waiting for Daniel to rescue her. Damn. And then the author pretends this story happen in the 21st century. It's such a predictable, bad written and dumb book with no likable character or climax or exciting moment I can't help but sob whenever I see the release date of this date: 2015. Just by looking at the first still, I can smell a flop already. It looks like a bland, low-budget Vampire Diaries picture which is, actually, an accurate description for this *book*.

3. House of Night

Sweet Jesus: WHYYY??? House of Night is like the book series I LOATHE the most in the World and trust me, there are a lot of books I hate with passion. The heroine Zooey is some insufferable self-absorbed teen who -when she doesn't slut-shame her rival or mock her "friend's" ethnicity- is obligated by the authors to make stupid decisions in order to actually have a plot and taint 300 pages. Just at the thought of this stupid book with stupid characters and stupid villains having an adaptation is making me weep. And they think of making 5 movies out of this mess. Kill me.

A fanmade of the heroine, just to show you how even visually this movie is a terrible idea (if the series weren't terrible enough).

4. Hush Hush

You thought the relation between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele was abusive? Then you need to read Hush Hush. Just like Fallen, it was released when fallen angels were the shit. I don't even need to resume this book since it's the same old special-snowflake-heroine-who-fall-in-love-with-dark-and-mysterious-dude-and-realize-she-might-not-be-human-after-all-but-already-knew-it-deep-in-her-heart-since-she-is-so-special. Yes, that's this kind of the book. And of course, the dark and mysterious guy is some sick creep who happen to be a stalker as well and know everything about her. And instead of running away like quickly, she finds it ~great and exciting someone as sexy as Patch is interested in her. Where's the gun so I can kill myself already? And they want to make this a movie. Jesus, don't let this happen. PLS.

5. Matched

Matched isn't half as bad as the others (isn't bad at all tbh) but I didn't finish it which isn't a good sign. The idea was great, I was really speechless when I read the synopsis actually. It was brand new in the Young Adult dystopia corner but the execution was quite meh and very bland. It's about a society where the big bosses decide of your entire life: from your bae to your favorite colour. How can such a good concept turn into a snoozefest? I still don't understand. Maybe because the heroine was really annoying and thought she have everything hard when she doesn't even saw one bit of real life hardship? I remember stopping reading it half way because it was so boring. Disney fought to buy this book so I don't know if I should have hope or despair. I just hope they find some way to make it somehow interesting. Such a waste of a good concept. *le sigh*
Tags: adaptations, books, list, where's the gun

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